I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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