Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Randomize
