haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
