I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
