I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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