is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
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I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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