there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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