Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
