tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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