He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I could make wine with my vomit
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
