just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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