I'm lost and stupid without you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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