Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
