U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
