OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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