My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
