so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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