so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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