I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
