Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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