your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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