Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
