"it" just moved
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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