dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
