I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
