If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
