What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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