I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I party with great urgency now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
