when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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