he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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