She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
