omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
