I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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