Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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