my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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