At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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