And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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