Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
