if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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