she woke up with a sticky ear
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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