So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
