FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
