I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
