I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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