im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
