He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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