I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The best revenge is premature balding
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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