That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
