Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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