The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
