you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
