yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
