Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
