she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
