do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
