We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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