if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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