fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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