Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
