The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
