someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
