i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
