Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
